已经好久没有这样
有非常丰裕的时间
坐下来 静静地
聆听心灵的声音
这半年来
我都鲜少有机会
这么闲情地写部落格
心里想什么
就写什么
这种感觉 太微妙了
我想一一叙述这半年来的成长 （希望那的确是成长）
首先 我去当了两个月的兵
我打到这边时 嘴角都不自觉上扬
没想到 当初在去兵营的路程中偷掉眼泪的我
现在居然那么那么地怀念那里的生活
吃马来餐
睡在蚊帐里
操在艳阳下
睡在极度肮脏的休息室里
听极度无聊的课程
玩累死人的游戏
起特别早的身
爬特别陡的山
那些都不是好玩的
但是最珍贵的
莫过于那段挥之不去的记忆
谁会想到我会遇见我的小学同学
谁又会想到 我会遇见那几个好麻吉
每天聊八卦 聊是非
一起研究佛学
每天一起承受 一起感动
24小时不分开 心里想什么 嘴里就说什么
一起洗厕所是最难忘不过的了
一起洗衣 开迷你演唱会 隔壁还有小粉丝捧场哦
一起一面冲凉也可以一面聊天
我怎么都不可能忘记那段岁月 虽然短短两个月
却给我这温室的小花 不一样的视野 不一样的体会
你们总爱叫我师傅
甚至有人到现在还改不了口
还直称我师傅 这称呼又一次次挖掘了我很多的回忆
每个星期四晚上是我们最期待的佛学班
老师们每个星期都会介绍很多感人的影片
老实说 那余温如今还萦绕在我心怀
感谢老师一次次地把我们弄哭
让我们更学会感恩和珍惜
多希望可以把你的课上完 但未能完成您们的课
我就得开始我人生另一个里程碑了.....
以前的我曾经很烦恼 不知道 要读utar, form six,还是去师训
我也说过只要进matriks，一切就解决了
还记得在兵营里接到妈妈的通知
说我入选霹雳的matriks
还有整大半要好的朋友一起进
我真的高兴得差点没跳起来罢了
却万万没想到 4flat从来都不是一件绝对的事
是我们是有整团朋友一起探究
不过成绩也是得考个人打拼的
我有拼 而且拼得很
可是成绩依旧不理想
我是很气自己 不争气
爸妈千里迢迢把我送到霹雳读书
我却那么不争气
身为大姐 要是未来没有一分稳定的薪水该怎么办
老爸可不能养我们一辈子啊
我是多么的惶恐不安
但哪又怎样 路是我自己选的
我必须坚持走完它
只是换站时 我应该更谨慎选择才是
有时怀疑是不是自己笨 不适合再读科学了
再想想如果是笨的话 老天爷会这么笨把我安排来这吗
老天的安排 都有其用意
我应该坚信自己当初的信念
再相信自己 给自己机会
（ 思路混乱中，写不下去了）
2013年10月14日星期一
Pspm is around the corner
没错 考试是要到了
没错 这是一场重要性极高的考试
没错 这次的风险极高
没错 我现在是应该利用写blog的时间去读书
你们都没错
我已经坐在那张椅子超过n小时了
我想发发泄
我想过了 尽力就好
就算speaking那不到理想的级别
就算pspm拿不到想要的
那我就不必勉强自己去争取我不是很想要的职业
到时候 我倒可以追求我的初衷
轻轻松松当个老师
当个作家
过属于我的生活
这样想也许接下来的日子会好过一点
没错 这是一场重要性极高的考试
没错 这次的风险极高
没错 我现在是应该利用写blog的时间去读书
你们都没错
我已经坐在那张椅子超过n小时了
我想发发泄
我想过了 尽力就好
就算speaking那不到理想的级别
就算pspm拿不到想要的
那我就不必勉强自己去争取我不是很想要的职业
到时候 我倒可以追求我的初衷
轻轻松松当个老师
当个作家
过属于我的生活
这样想也许接下来的日子会好过一点
2013年9月14日星期六
Precious experience
It comes to the second week of September. It is just damn fast.
The life in kmpk is not as easy as I think before.
A lot of things to do, to think...
A lot of feelings to keep, to express, to dump...
First, again, is about my result,
It is the main source for me to feel unhappy all these days
Yea of course I promise myself to perform well in pspm
But it even makes me more stressed
Because once I fail to score again in pspm..everything is gone..!!!
I sometimes wonder why studying becomes so difficult for me?
It is once quite easy for me to handle.. Why and where is the problem?
Secondly, friends...
In kmpk, I gain some friends and lost some friends at the same time
We once were very close friends.
But just look at us now..
Our distance is getting farther and farther
I dare not to imagine how will our relationship be in the next few months
I not even know how to get us close again
I simply afraid of everything
U all said I have changed..
I really dunno how to change back...
Thirdly, the happiest thing ever; EXPERIENCE !!!
U know what
In order to get koko mark
I try something that I never ever done before..
First is Ipoh run, I never ever wake up at 230am just to participate in Ipoh run!!
However I did this several months before
Second is ambang performance
Since primary school
I not ever dare to dance or sing on the stage
I feel shy to do that
But then in this year
I have done it unbelievable right? Haha
Third, is kakom sukarelawan.
Jasmine, Bridget, joe, and I were in charge of netball match
My task is to be a time keeper
My first time experience..woohoo..
Initially I have butterflies in my stomach..
But then everything is okay already...
It is time to complete my homework...bye
The life in kmpk is not as easy as I think before.
A lot of things to do, to think...
A lot of feelings to keep, to express, to dump...
First, again, is about my result,
It is the main source for me to feel unhappy all these days
Yea of course I promise myself to perform well in pspm
But it even makes me more stressed
Because once I fail to score again in pspm..everything is gone..!!!
I sometimes wonder why studying becomes so difficult for me?
It is once quite easy for me to handle.. Why and where is the problem?
Secondly, friends...
In kmpk, I gain some friends and lost some friends at the same time
We once were very close friends.
But just look at us now..
Our distance is getting farther and farther
I dare not to imagine how will our relationship be in the next few months
I not even know how to get us close again
I simply afraid of everything
U all said I have changed..
I really dunno how to change back...
Thirdly, the happiest thing ever; EXPERIENCE !!!
U know what
In order to get koko mark
I try something that I never ever done before..
First is Ipoh run, I never ever wake up at 230am just to participate in Ipoh run!!
However I did this several months before
Second is ambang performance
Since primary school
I not ever dare to dance or sing on the stage
I feel shy to do that
But then in this year
I have done it unbelievable right? Haha
Third, is kakom sukarelawan.
Jasmine, Bridget, joe, and I were in charge of netball match
My task is to be a time keeper
My first time experience..woohoo..
Initially I have butterflies in my stomach..
But then everything is okay already...
It is time to complete my homework...bye
2013年8月23日星期五
may God bless me
I feel sad. Too sad. Extremely sad.
Frustrated. Disappointed.
How? Why? Keep rushing into my mind.
Yea I m scared, worried about what I have done in ups. I cant believe I fail to score each subject. What really happens to me? Why? This result of ups is included in my final pointer. But 10%. Someone say that it wont affect much. But u know me right, im that kind of person who depends on academic for survival since primary school. My ranking is no1 from standard 1 to standard 6. From form 1 to form 3 , my ranking is between 1 to 5. Everything changes since form 4. My ranking drops to between 6 to 15. Im mentally hurt. I work harder. But still, to no avail. But fortunately I still gt 10As in spm but then not straight A+. Feeling a little bit disappointed, I feel thankful too. Perhaps, this is my actual standard of study for those 2 years. I accept it. Now it comes to the turn of matriculation result. No ranking. But grades. Initially im confident to get good result. I revise n exercise quite a lot for that week of raya holidays.
But why??
I fail
Although result is still not known I guess I will get Bs for chem, math n physics. That is not the result a chinese student in matriks supposed to have. Perhaps im not a chinese? (I know this is not the time of joking) im serious in writing this piece of blog.
I feel regret to disappoint my mum my lecturer or even some of my friends. My feeling now is actually beyond description. It is extremely complicated. I thought I have done my best . But it seems not. What am I going to do next? How am I going to face those friends who are better than me? Should I continue to play around with them? Im totally out of idea right now.
I know I should have some more strategies to boost improvement in pspm. But then 24hours r not enough at all!!
I am very depressed to see someone who revise less than me can achieve better than me. It seems unfair right? Anyway I know I have many mistakes too in the ways of study. I really hope that I could stand up again with confidence, defeating every challenge throughout my matriculation life. May God bless me.
Frustrated. Disappointed.
How? Why? Keep rushing into my mind.
Yea I m scared, worried about what I have done in ups. I cant believe I fail to score each subject. What really happens to me? Why? This result of ups is included in my final pointer. But 10%. Someone say that it wont affect much. But u know me right, im that kind of person who depends on academic for survival since primary school. My ranking is no1 from standard 1 to standard 6. From form 1 to form 3 , my ranking is between 1 to 5. Everything changes since form 4. My ranking drops to between 6 to 15. Im mentally hurt. I work harder. But still, to no avail. But fortunately I still gt 10As in spm but then not straight A+. Feeling a little bit disappointed, I feel thankful too. Perhaps, this is my actual standard of study for those 2 years. I accept it. Now it comes to the turn of matriculation result. No ranking. But grades. Initially im confident to get good result. I revise n exercise quite a lot for that week of raya holidays.
But why??
I fail
Although result is still not known I guess I will get Bs for chem, math n physics. That is not the result a chinese student in matriks supposed to have. Perhaps im not a chinese? (I know this is not the time of joking) im serious in writing this piece of blog.
I feel regret to disappoint my mum my lecturer or even some of my friends. My feeling now is actually beyond description. It is extremely complicated. I thought I have done my best . But it seems not. What am I going to do next? How am I going to face those friends who are better than me? Should I continue to play around with them? Im totally out of idea right now.
I know I should have some more strategies to boost improvement in pspm. But then 24hours r not enough at all!!
I am very depressed to see someone who revise less than me can achieve better than me. It seems unfair right? Anyway I know I have many mistakes too in the ways of study. I really hope that I could stand up again with confidence, defeating every challenge throughout my matriculation life. May God bless me.
2013年3月28日星期四
我真的很幸运
这个星期日要到一个完全陌生的世界去生活，两三个月
心中有挣扎，有不安，有惶恐
我只是想趁这个机会谢谢你们
毕业了过后，还处处维护着我们的友情
我只能说，我真的很幸运，
从小到大，只有你们这班朋友为我庆祝过生日，
前年，去年和今年，你们都给我不一样的惊喜
我要谢谢man ee,shenrong,xhun,还记得前年我的生日刚好是一
我真的没有想到你们会为我安排，让全体member为我唱生日歌
还当众送我礼物，
我被感动了！
接下来是去年，也是由你们这班朋友给我惊喜，
尤其是 shen rong, 打电话跟我说老师有什么重要的文件要给我，
我那时真的信以为真了
结果回到家你们捧着生日蛋糕，为我唱歌的时候，
我被感动了！
再来是今年，我们依旧聚在一起唱歌，
然后man ee 突然拿出那个bag时，
我被感动了！
还有这几年来，yean ting 亲手做的小礼物，
也常常让我倍感窝心。
其实我感动的，莫非是你们对我们友情的用心，
不管你们送的是什么也一样。
那颗真心才是我收到最佳的礼物。
我课业上的问题，
也多亏有ah ting ,man ee,sinee的拔刀相助
也很怀念以前 sinnee离开前，
只要心中一有不愉快，
就会向我吐苦水的日子。
怀念那段我们什么都可以聊得日子，
聊学业，聊未来，聊宠物，聊感情，聊家事
再来就是ah xhun,感谢你的无私，
你是第一个住我家的朋友，
我相信这就是缘分。
那一天我们拥有的笑声，
我们对彼此的关心，
已经为我们的友情加分不少！
manee,一个常会emo的好朋友，
你真的帮我不少。善解人意，聪明伶俐，
我有你一半的聪明那该有多好。有时还真有一点小妒忌。哈哈
未来总有一条属于我们的路
我们一定会找到属于自己的路
不要担心害怕 一切顺其自然 好吗？
shen rong，是我最愧对的一个朋友
以前在图书馆的日子，是我毕生最不可能忘记的日子
那段日子我们是怎样熬过来的
旁人是没办法体会的
你对我的包容和体恤，
是几百句谢谢都没办法回报的。。
然而我却会频频作出不符合你心意的事，
有时还叫你失望了。
不管怎样，我们的友谊是永恒的对吗？
我只是觉得，
这一生能拥有你们，我还奢求什么？
（我知道依我的性格，是很少这样感性的。。哈哈）
可是有些话有机会的时候一定要说出来，才不会留下遗憾
我在kulim 的几个月里如果真的很辛苦的时候
我相信只要想起你们的笑容，我也可以咬着牙根唉过去
未来的日子，不管是当兵，还是升学，还是未来的每一个步骤
不管是成功或失败
我都会知道，我从不失去过什么。
有你们，我一直都这样幸运！
心中有挣扎，有不安，有惶恐
我只是想趁这个机会谢谢你们
毕业了过后，还处处维护着我们的友情
我只能说，我真的很幸运，
从小到大，只有你们这班朋友为我庆祝过生日，
前年，去年和今年，你们都给我不一样的惊喜
我要谢谢man ee,shenrong,xhun,还记得前年我的生日刚好是一
我真的没有想到你们会为我安排，让全体member为我唱生日歌
还当众送我礼物，
我被感动了！
接下来是去年，也是由你们这班朋友给我惊喜，
尤其是 shen rong, 打电话跟我说老师有什么重要的文件要给我，
我那时真的信以为真了
结果回到家你们捧着生日蛋糕，为我唱歌的时候，
我被感动了！
再来是今年，我们依旧聚在一起唱歌，
然后man ee 突然拿出那个bag时，
我被感动了！
还有这几年来，yean ting 亲手做的小礼物，
也常常让我倍感窝心。
其实我感动的，莫非是你们对我们友情的用心，
不管你们送的是什么也一样。
那颗真心才是我收到最佳的礼物。
我课业上的问题，
也多亏有ah ting ,man ee,sinee的拔刀相助
也很怀念以前 sinnee离开前，
只要心中一有不愉快，
就会向我吐苦水的日子。
怀念那段我们什么都可以聊得日子，
聊学业，聊未来，聊宠物，聊感情，聊家事
再来就是ah xhun,感谢你的无私，
你是第一个住我家的朋友，
我相信这就是缘分。
那一天我们拥有的笑声，
我们对彼此的关心，
已经为我们的友情加分不少！
manee,一个常会emo的好朋友，
你真的帮我不少。善解人意，聪明伶俐，
我有你一半的聪明那该有多好。有时还真有一点小妒忌。哈哈
未来总有一条属于我们的路
我们一定会找到属于自己的路
不要担心害怕 一切顺其自然 好吗？
shen rong，是我最愧对的一个朋友
以前在图书馆的日子，是我毕生最不可能忘记的日子
那段日子我们是怎样熬过来的
旁人是没办法体会的
你对我的包容和体恤，
是几百句谢谢都没办法回报的。。
然而我却会频频作出不符合你心意的事，
有时还叫你失望了。
不管怎样，我们的友谊是永恒的对吗？
我只是觉得，
这一生能拥有你们，我还奢求什么？
（我知道依我的性格，是很少这样感性的。。哈哈）
可是有些话有机会的时候一定要说出来，才不会留下遗憾
我在kulim 的几个月里如果真的很辛苦的时候
我相信只要想起你们的笑容，我也可以咬着牙根唉过去
未来的日子，不管是当兵，还是升学，还是未来的每一个步骤
不管是成功或失败
我都会知道，我从不失去过什么。
有你们，我一直都这样幸运！
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